Counselor Spotlight: Navigating the Middle School Minefield
The beginning of every school year is an exciting time for students, teachers, and parents. Middle schoolers and their parents, however, are truly embarking upon a new experience with challenges that come not just from school, but life in general. The middles school years are known for a renewed interest in self; clothes, appearance, friends more than family, reputation, and status. It is these things that often create a bigger battle than school work. As hard as it is to admit, this is a normal stage of life to be clumsy and awkward, self-centered, argumentative, moody, and stubborn. This new obsession with self and status can’t be spanked out, yelled out, or put on restriction until it’s gone. Our tactics must also evolve as our children grow and experience the world through their unique perspective.
As unnatural as it may sound, it helps to lighten up on middle school-aged children slightly during this time. We’re not implying that you lower your family’s expectations or standards for behavior at all, but rather add more conversations on life’s repercussions of poor decisions and explain why your family believes and acts in a particular manner. As middle schoolers, children are able to understand reasoning and may need less “because I said so” discussions and more insight into the situation so that you can steer them into making adult-like decisions. Let them make decisions (even bad ones) and more importantly, let them fail. Allow them to figure things out in the caring, loving environment of your home. No one ever truly learns anything if they are always getting pulled out of a jam by others.
Communication is key as your children begin to mature into tiny adults. Small children are known for exhaustive stories – in such great detail that we think we’ve actually been there to witness it all ourselves. However, as children mature, their willingness to share great stories of the day disappears. When a middle schooler is asked about their day, most parents get the usual responses of “fine,” “ok,” or even “I don’t want to talk about it.” If this is typical of your interactions after school, give them some space for the moment. Remember! School is the work of students. Many adults don’t want to exhaustively list the details of their work day soon after coming home. We encourage you to revisit the conversation later in the day once everyone has had a chance to regroup and process the day’s activities. Always listen compassionately!
A consistent reminder that they are loved and purposed for great things is important. As middle schoolers, they are on top of the world and standing among the rubble of shatter dreams within the same class period. As emotions, friendships, and body image ebb and flow during this years, reassure your children that they will survive. All of them need reassurance that they are exactly how God created them. Even if they don’t look like anyone else in their class, they are created in His image. There is much to be learned during these formative years, but it is our job as parents to ensure that our middle schoolers are able to fail forward, discover truth, chase dreams, and embrace the journey in a nurturing, loving, and Christ-centered environment.
Additional Resources
How to Prepare Your Child for Middle School
Those Clumsy Middle School Years
Developmental Milestone for Typical Middle Schoolers
If you would like to discuss this topic further, please contact PCA’s guidance counselors Pat Dean or Lisa Reid.
